God First, Family Second, Career Third

You may have noticed - I am 5 days overdue to write! Why, you ask? Well, I will tell you!This past weekend, my boyfriend was out visiting me from Michigan. I am SO excited because he was just offered a job here and will be moving out in a couple of weeks. As you can imagine, I have been pretty focused on him during his visit. That inspired me with a topic for this entry, because I'm always trying to connect whatever is going on in my life with an "MK-ism" and this seemed a perfect opportunity to touch on the subject of priorities.

When I went to my first Mary Kay skincare class, I had no interest in the products whatsoever. I actually thought of Mary Kay as old lady makeup and teased my college roommate who used it (I should've taken my que from how gorgeous her skin was, silly me!). I actually only went to the class to see my first grade teacher, who was the consultant teaching the class. Boy was I impressed when I saw a Pink Cadillac parked in front of the house!

What happened at the table that day I can replay in my memory almost perfectly. As "Mrs. T" talked about Mary Kay Ash's respect for the dignity of women and the company's philosophy of "God First, Family Second, Career Third", I decided right then and there that I would buy MK products forever. The other cosmetic items I'd purchased were from companies that did NOT hold this up as a value, and I want to support the companies that are in-line with my values. THEN I got to actually try the products, and I loved them so much that I decided to become a consultant.

I can tell you since then that I have become much more aware of what my priorities and whether my life is reflecting my priorities. Part of what I love about the direct sales opportunity is that you decide your own hours, and you have the choice to not work and spend your time elsewhere. As my boyfriend and I get more serious, I consider him to be my Number 2 priority. So while he was here, I put MK aside and gave him my focus.

However, there's a flipside to this that I share with you because I need to work on it. I've heard NSD Kathy Goff-Brummett say, "Career is third, not thirty-third". She even talked about missing one of her daughter's performance because of a Mary Kay commitment she'd already made before finding out about the event. She kept her commitment - some people might say that she was putting her career before her family, but her own daughter would disagree! She said her mom was putting her first because she taught her the importance of keeping her word.

Sometimes my business slips from it's place at Number 3. Other things become more important: TV, sleeping, not having to face the rejection that's just part of working the numbers when booking appointments. What I'm finding is that if Number 3 is out of whack, it's because I'm already not doing well with the God and family part. When I'm REALLY putting the Lord first and my man second, my interior self is properly aligned for taking care of my MK business. This is the mold I'm trying to conform my life to - God first, family on a pedestal right underneath - and my career swiftly following and directly linked to the importance of the first two. 1) Because in order to put God first, I must be obedient to what I feel He asks of me and I KNOW what that is! 2) Because in order to have the financial peace I desire for my future family, I must work my business consistently.

I'm so grateful to have such a great motto to check myself by. If at my funeral people say that "God First, Family Second, Career Third" was how I lived my life, I could ask for no better legacy.

Bounce-back-ability

One of the oft-repeated MKisms is that success in the business is directly related to one's ability to bounce back from setbacks. National Sales Director Sherril Steinman says that whenever she came up up against rough stuff, she would ask herself "Is this the crisis that will finally break me?" - and because she didn't want the answer to be yes, she'd push through whatever it was.

I can say that through all the rough stuff that I feel has characterized the last several years of my life... I am still breathing, and I haven't given up. But that's just not enough for me anymore - I want to say that I not only survived but that I'm now thriving! I want to say I've bounced back from all the crud, and although I do that eventually, when it comes to MK - it often doesn't happen very quickly.

I started MK in March of 2009 and I was loving it - holding appointments and recruiting... until summer came along and other things got in the way. It faded from my priorities until that winter. I had moved in with my mom and started organizing her inventory and samples to the point that she said "Guine, you obviously like this, why don't YOU just get back into it?" So on New Year's 2010, I resolved to get back into my Mary Kay business. I went to Seminar that summer, and I left with a dream in my heart to become a Mary Kay Sales Director. Then I left my fulltime job, moved half a dozen times, and ran into pretty bad financial issues. Even though I could have resolved those issues by WORKING my business, I got paralyzed by my panic, fear, and depression... and my confidence was so shrunken that I felt like quitting on everything. I could often be heard saying "I just quit life". When I came out here to nanny my godson, look for more work, and try to stabilize my life, I started working my business more consistently than I ever have. So, I went from about 9 months to bounce-back, to then about 5 months, and now I'm taking about a week to interior-ly give up, wallow, and cycle back through again. However, I'm hardly kicking butt yet.

In the last few months, I've watched one of my fabulous friends (who has been in Mary Kay for HALF the time as myself) finish qualification to debut as a new Sales Director. She's wrapping up qualification for her first free career car right now! I'm incredibly proud of her - and I look at her life and think "If she can do it, I can do it!" Then a little voice inside my head says, "Yeah, but her life is different from yours. She has a supportive husband, she can hold appointments in her home and you don't have your own space, she has .... she has ...". Those things may be true, but gosh darn it, why do I stagnate myself by saying that I'm not successful because I don't have someone else's circumstances? Why don't I put forth more effort at making money rather than making excuses?

What I need is to bounce back FASTER from setbacks and disappointments. GMB (my from-now-on abbreviation for Gloria Mayfield Banks) says "You do not have time for 'bad day'. If you need to cry, cry for the MOMENT and then move on". But you know what?! I want to WALLOW when I feel bummed.... I want to swim in Lake Feel-Sorry-for-Myself!

I can't tell you how silly it makes me feel to realize this about myself. Even sillier to admit it to the world on my blog. But here is my more-important declaration to the world: I want to trade in my polished art of wallowing for the ability to bounce back in less than 24 hours! So my challenge to myself for this month of July is to put a limit on the wallowing - after 2.4 hours (so, 144 minutes) I can no longer wallow, cry, or complain about whatever happened to get me down.... maybe we could even eventually get it down to 24 minutes.

I love the following definition of motivation:
- a choice,
- to take action,
- for a desired result,
- whether you feel like it or not.

That "whether you feel like it or not" would be the part I need to work on. And yet again, God uses MK as a lens through which I see areas of my life that need an overhaul, parts of me He wants to transform. The truth is I don't just need this bounce-back-ability in my business, I need it in my LIFE. Lord, help me!

Marble Blocks and Emotional Blocks

I'm not planning to write in this blog every day, but I HAVE to share about what happened to me yesterday.

I have been super fired-up because this phenomenal Mary Kay national leader, Gloria Mayfield Banks, was coming to the area to speak with Sean Key, the MK Inc. VP of Sales Force Motivation. Now, I made a list of "10 Things I Haven't Done Yet in My Business", and I'm working to accomplish them this year. One of those things was to have 5 people come to an event with me. Mind you, not to try to sell them anything or recruit them, but just to have 5 butts in 5 seats, period. Well I was so excited to make this THAT event because of the quality of the speakers, that I started emailing, calling, and asking my girlfriends in the area here to come with me. A handful said they would, but when I woke up yesterday, Hell descended upon me. Here's some of what happened:

-The baby I nanny is teething. He decided to have a screaming meltdown yesterday for almost 2 hours. It went from "I'm not happy" to "I'm furious, why aren't you fixing this?!" to "I think I hate you - I'm screaming!" to "Let's see if I can reach a dog-whistle decibel". When he finally fell asleep (after I slathered his little gums with the teething gel it took almost two hours to FIND) I looked down at his puffy little tear-stained eyelids and thought "Yeah, buddy, I feel the same way!" Deep breath...next!
-As this was going on, the girlfriends I thought were coming bowed out of the event for one reason or another. I wanted to be upset, and my interior dialogue went something like this, "Well, if they aren't going to be people of their word and do what they said they wou.... hold on there, self. How many people have YOU let down by not keeping your word? That's right. Don't be mad at them just because a screaming baby fried your nerves and you need to refine your follow-up skills". Deep breath...next!
-Then I got a message from an old girlfriend from college I've been hoping to get together with since she lives in the area and we were both in the same major at school. After weeks of not getting a response from her, she finally replied and said, "I am really not interested in Mary Kay products". I was honestly devastated. I hadn't even ASKED her to have a facial with me (which, by the way, I give as a complimentary service- you're never obligated to purchase anything!). I hate this stereotype of what I like to call "Scary Kay - the Pink Stalker". They're so obnoxious, they can't have a conversation with anybody without mentioning MK and trying to persuade people to buy from them. I have been SO afraid that people might perceive me that way that sometimes I have been a wimp and just not asked for an appointment! When I read her message, after I got over my initial sadness, I thought:

"You know what, no matter how soft, friendly, and sincerely interested in people I'm trying to be, some people will just perceive pushiness anyway. I do not have ultimate control over how they react to me, so why do I let their reaction have any control over whether I offer? A no just means nothing has changed, but a yes could change everything. I won't get the 'yes' if I never offer." - Deep breath...next!

-THEN, my most faithful girlfriend and I got ready, rushed through dinner, and left the house so late I knew we were going to miss the beginning of the event. As she packed her baby into the car, I realized - my car was not where I left it. It had been towed. At that moment, I wanted to sit myself down on the curb and cry myself into a hiccup fit. I didn't care about going to the event anymore. In fact, for a few minutes, I didn't care about Mary Kay anymore. "The world is against me, I am a failure"- all these old tapes tried to play in my mind. BUT! I realized that as upsetting as this was, I was handling it a LOT better than I would have last year. This time about a year ago, I had an incident of misplacing a bag that contained my color cosmetics inventory, worth several hundred dollars. As I drove to a color appointment, frantically trying to figure out where it was - I had an absolute meltdown. I actually DID cry myself into a hiccup fit. Seriously, my girlfriend opened the door, and there I was, in my cute little beauty coat, sobbing. What a lovely experience that was for both of us (not!). [PS - I did find that bag, by the way.] This time, I took a deep breath and said to myself, "If you don't go to the event, this day will have been a complete disaster. You have to go so that SOMETHING from today will carry you to tomorrow. Manage your emotions for now, and you can cry later!", and I decided not to even mention that my car was missing until afterward. We hopped in her car and went.

We took a few wrong turns, but eventually made it there and boy am I glad! When I walked in the door, I instantly felt refreshed. Just being in a room full of positive women is uplifting! Sean Key's words were just for me. At the end of the day, I had a smile on my face in spite of everything, because even though I'm not where I want to be yet, I also know I'm not where I was! Sometimes, victory is simply that we didn't let circumstances shake our confidence so much that we're steered off the course we chose when we DID feel confident. It is a victorious experience to feel beat up, tired, disappointed, whatever - but to not give up, and with a cheerful smile! Deep breath... next!

Parting thought, shared by Sean Key last night: When Michaelangelo was asked how he sculpted the David, he said, "David was always inside that block of marble. It was my job to chisel away that all that was not David".

I think God is using all the crap that happens to me to chisel away at all that He did not intend me to be. I've been encased in a marble block of wimpiness, avoidance, insecurity, hesitation, procrastination, oh and don't forget self-pity! Oh Lord, reveal a brave, confident, do-it-now woman underneath that 'marble block' - and thank You that the chisel is pink.

The Invisible Sign that says "Make me Feel Important"

I have been amazed lately at how often I get tripped up in my business because of my own internal issues. One of my trip-ups is talking myself out of approaching someone about a facial or the business opportunity:
- "She doesn't wear makeup"
- "She's way too busy"
- "I don't look good enough"
-"I don't feel confident enough"
-"I don't want her to think the only reason I'm talking to her is to take her money", or
-"They will think I'm pathetic, I went to college and here I am selling lipstick").

My second is to spend so much time thinking about my own problems/struggles - even just thinking about my trip-ups and wondering "Where is my confidence? I KNOW I've been confident in my life, why is it lately that I struggle with this so much?"

Something that helps me a lot is to listening to audio training from women who have been successful in their MK business. They have overcome SO much! Some examples:

-Auri Hatheway: her parents were immigrants, her dad went to prison for narcotics-trafficking (after mortgaging the family home three times) worked alongside her mom cleaning houses to pay it off. She says "At the age of 7, I was TIRED".

-Gloria Mayfield Banks - Struggled with dyslexia as a child, and went on to earn her MBA from Harvard. She overcame a domestic violence situation and grew her Mary Kay business as a single mom with multiple children.

Caterina Harris- Had about $100,000 of debt after graduating from a private university and beginning in a job for a non-profit organization in her twenties.

Kathy Helou- Overcame anorexia, depression and hospitalization, but won a set of MK skincare on "The Price is Right", and it changed her life.

Cindy Williams- grew up around her mother's 7 alcoholic, physically abusive husbands. Never went to college. Worked in a bar.

Sherril Steinman- Started working MK after burning out from her flower shop business. She was raising twin boys and lived in a town of less than 1,000 people when she started.

Pam Shaw - Began her business drowning in debt, putting a lien on her car to order her inventory. After achieving national leadership, she journeyed through her husband's Lou Gehrig's disease and grieved his death without her commissions dropping.

Judy Kawiecki - Started her business with 2 kids, while caring for her ill husband (heart problem), mother-in-law, and sister-in-law (cerebral palsy). Today continues her business as a cancer survivor.

Laura Armstrong - suffers from General Anxiety Disorder, yet has become a Top Sales Director.


And that's just to name a few. Though I haven't met all these women, they coach me almost every day. I even have little pictures of them around my office with speech bubbles, reminding me of inspiring things they've said that I need to be reminded of.

I will get into a confidence groove in my business - but the "feeling" never lasts longer than a few weeks. When I hit a snag, I tend to retreat into my head, letting doubt and fear stop me from continuing to put forth effort. Lately, however, I have been trying to push past whatever I'm feeling and remain faithful to the daily effort I know I need to make. Just yesterday, I heard in an audio training: "Every day that you are doing the right thing, you are being a success, even if the results haven't shown up yet".

Well, I took my heart before the Lord and said, "Lord, sometimes I feel like I don't have what it takes, and sometimes I get so swallowed up in my problems that I forget about others. Please help me to take the focus off me, and show me who I could bless today. Help me to be detached from the results, but still be faithful to the daily activity I know I need to do. Let me do it out of love for You and as an act of fidelity to You". And the Holy Spirit whispered back - I experience so often that a flood of grace is waiting for the posture of my heart to be receptive to it by exercising my WILL to just get over myself!

It's very true. In Mary Kay, there's an oft-repeated phrase: Imagine that every person you come in contact with is wearing an invisible sign around their neck that says "Make Me Feel Important". That's what I'm trying to master - to see the sign others are wearing and to remove myself from that equation. Cheryl Warfield says that if you put your focus on others, your own pain goes away. When I get out of my head and choose to love on another person, whether or not MK is connected to that... I'm transformed. That's how my business has stretched me to grow. I guess that's why I'm calling this blog "The Pink Transformation".

Help me stay committed & get $25 free!

I held a super-fun skincare class this past weekend- this "home party" setting is the best way to conduct your Mary Kay business, because you can work full-circle. In other words, it's the setting where you not only get your retail sales, but where you can book future appointments and dates to talk about the business with prospective new team members.

It's hard to admit this publicly, but I realized that I hadn't held an SCC in like, a year! It was a funny realization to come to, because as famous MK national leader Gloria Mayfield Banks has been known to say in her training sessions - "How many times do you go to bed on the first of the month, and then you wake up the next day and it's the end of the month? And you didn't do NOTHIN'! You were THINKING about doing Mary Kay, but you didn't DO anything!" Um... that is all-too-often the case with me.

Why is that? I can say with confidence that whenever I put the least bit of effort into the income-producing activities of my business, I get results. As the cliche goes, business isn't magical, it's mathematical. In direct sales, the rule of thumb is that 1 out of every 5 booking attempts or team interviews will give you a "yes". I'm fortunate enough that I fare above average with both - so what the heck is my problem?! Why don't I work consistently when I know I'll make money when I do?!

Some might say I don't believe in myself enough, some might say I'm thinking about it too much and not focusing my energies on the right activity. You could say I need better emotional management, and I would agree! Just a few months ago, another national leader told me to say the following self-affirmation: "I am the most emotionally-stable woman I know". These are all valid components, and I can say that my MK journey has been one of the most intense experiences I've had of seeing the need for some character overhaul.

What I've come to realize, however, is that if I boiled everything down to just one principle for guiding my life it would be this: what do I believe God has called me to, and am I being obedient and faithful to that? Okay well, yes I believe that the Lord brought me to this opportunity and that He wants me to throw my heart over the bar. I believe He is using it to speak to me (by the way, sharing about that is the purpose of this blog). A big dream in my heart, one that my boyfriend and I share, is to someday adopt children from around the world. I joke with people that someday coming to visit my house will be like riding "It's a Small World" at Disneyworld - but I also seriously feel that this desire was planted in my heart by God and that He's called me to raise a generously-sized family. However, that is going to take some serious mooolah! Being able to finance international adoption is my ultimate business goal - not only that, but to run my business out of my home so that I am AT home to raise those souls.

What does that mean for me today? It means I have to learn to be self-disciplined and self-accountable. I heard somewhere (4-Hour Workweek maybe?) that less than 5% of people will complete their work without supervision. Well, since I have no boss in MK, I had better become that 5%. In the words of Robert Schueller- "If it's going to be, it's up to me!" Yes, it's up to me - not to "make this happen" through the sheer force of my will or effort, but it's up to me whether I will respond to the call of God with faithfulness.

I have been so inspired in the last couple of weeks with developing a "rule of life" for myself, since I am at home nannying my godson during the day. A traditional "rule" comes from monastic life. It's the way a particular religious order lives out their vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I have been using this book to develop mine, even though I'm not a Mom yet!


From it, I have developed a flow to my day that has 50 items on it, starting from when my feet touch the floor in the morning to when my head hits the pillow at night. Everything is included - prayer times, meal times, chore times, active playtime with my godson, and working my MK business. I'm publicly committing to tracking this for the rest of June - and I'm going to report on my results to you for better or for worse! I'm convicted in my heart that God isn't going to take me to the next level in my business until I have mastered the level I'm at, so that's what I'm setting out to do.

One of my 50 components is time for writing - and though I have more than one blog, I want to be sure that I'm writing in this one every 10 days. SO, here's how you can help and what's in it for you! If you're the first to notice it's been more than 10 days since I last posted an entry - I will give $25 in free product. Deal? Okay.

(keep your eyes peeled for another another entry with more about my Rule).

What we think about, we bring about

Right about now a part of me wants to say "I'm sorry readers, I have this habit I need to fix where I start projects with gusto and then fall off the earth!" But I'm not going to write a whole entry about that -- and you'll see why by the end of the entry.

I love the Mary Kay principle of praising people to success. I'm addicted to listening to MK audio trainings and motivation, it's like having a Hollywood movie star who coaches you on how to make it in show business! However, listening to these things doesn't necessarily translate to success because it takes more than external motivation. Have you ever gone on a retreat, gotten pumped about your faith, then gone home and within a few days fizzled away from the resolutions you made? Or said to yourself "I need to get more organized/ lose weight/ be more disciplined in my prayer life" - then it doesn't seem to happen even if you sincerely want to change?

Well, as I have been learning through the book What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter, this is because most of our internal dialogues are working against us. In other words, the computer of our minds is filled with negative programming. Now, maybe we don't say "I'm a failure/I'm always late/ I'm so clumsy!", most people aren't that extreme. But we will say "I need to..." - and did you know that saying those things still programs your mind in a negative way? Your mind will finish that sentence "but I just can't seem to".

If we want to see results, it's not enough to just try to change your behavior overnight. Your behavior is shaped by your attitude, which is built upon what you believe, and what you believe is whatever is put into your brain most often. So you have to START with your internal programming - saying to yourself: "God made me good. I am a punctual person" etc.

** Side note: If you want to try this, here's the ABC's of affirmation statements:

• Positive
• Present-tense
• Worded as if whatever you want is already true
• The more specific, the better.

For example: " I am always on time - I'm so great at managing my time that I arrive wherever I need to be 10 minutes early!" **

I have been experimenting with this concept by recording my voice (which is the one that our subconscious mind recognizes best) saying things like "I love to bounce out of bed in the morning- getting up is easy for me!" and Mary Kay-isms like "I get 5 new names and numbers every day". I finished my affirmation tape today - it covers everything from my attitude and internal motivation, to successful habits and specific Mary Kay goals. It's 9 minutes long, but I didn't want to miss a thing!

And you know, I'm realizing how (as the love of my life has pointed out) truth is truth no matter where we find it. In the Christian life we hear talk about the 'tapes' that play in our head of negative, self-hating messages like "You've messed up too much deserve God's love" - how Satan inserts these suggestions into us and how much we need God's healing! I have found that to match up really well with these Self-Talk concepts I've been learning. Whether you call it 'spiritual warfare' or 'negative internal programming' (it's probably some of both!) - it's a common experience.

There are some lies I have struggled to overcome in my own walk with God - and about a year ago, I experienced God breaking those lies in a powerful way through a theophostic healing prayer session with Deacon Ralph Poyo (if you're reading this, please shoot up a prayer for Deacon Ralph's ministry - he's such an anointed man!). God moved mountains in my heart that day and broke some strongholds Satan had in my heart for sure. However, it didn't reset everything overnight.

A priest recently told me that Saint Francis de Sales once said that if sin didn't do so much damage, he would prescribe it - because it is SO good for the soul to realize how much God loves him/her and how dependent we are on Him. As I continue to grow into these big dreams God has put into my heart, I experience more and more both how loved I am AND how much I need God. Through my business, He's also teaching me that, though He could instantly fix and heal all my problems and hurts, He also wants me to change my patterns and that requires my cooperation and effort!

Parting thought: "If we will do what we can do, God will do what we cannot do." - Joyce Meyer So, I encourage you to do what YOU can do - program your brain with positive self-talk! I will do what I can do - keep working, and continuing to share through this blog!

The harder I work, the luckier I get!

One of the things that sets Mary Kay apart from other direct sales endeavors is that Mary Kay (the actual woman) encouraged consultants to think like a retailer and carry inventory so their customers wouldn't have to wait two and three weeks to get their products. We have sayings like "you can't sell from an empty wagon", etc.

Well, I joined at a great time of year because I had just received my tax return! However, it was still a modest inventory - nowhere near close to a 'full store'! Some people may look at the recommendation of inventory like - "Oh, they just want you to order as much as possible", but I have experienced that that is simply not true! I STRUGGLED with growing my business because I had so little product on shelf. It truly created a 'scarcity mentality' for me... I was hesistant to sell because I didn't want to run out of product! Oh my goodness. When you join as a new consultant, there's a quiz you can take to evaluate how much inventory the company recommends based on your goals. Now it makes sense to me that the more a woman invests in inventory at the start of her business, the less likely she is to quit. Though not every woman who comes into MK needs a big inventory, my goals this year DO! And as my businessman grandpa once told me - "You've gotta spend money to make money".

The other reason I started with a small inventory was because I had another fulltime job at that time and didn't see myself needing so much product on shelf. But now that it is my primary occupation, I have experienced a little frustration with my 'store' and have been praying about money to put more product on shelf.

And here's the glory story: After prayerfully discerning (because I for sure did not want to go in debt, I'm using this business to get OUT of debt!), I decided I would make a short-term sacrifice for long-term gain and 'pay' myself less. Instead of just reinvesting 50% of my retail sales back into profits (which is the biggest profit margin in direct sales!), I would reinvest 60% until I get a bigger store.


Then yesterday, God blessed my efforts: the people I nanny for a few days a week asked if I'd be available a few extra days for the next several weeks - and that means money I hadn't anticipated having! Not only will I have extra cash to grow my inventory, but I'll get it without cutting into my "MK hours". God is so good!

Please understand, I am not promoting a health and wealth gospel. What I am saying is that when we learn to quiet ourselves and come to recognize His voice, AND then we "Do whatever he tells you" (as we are encouraged in the Gospel by Jesus' Mama!), then our lives will be abundantly blessed. I don't mean a guarantee of an abundace of money, prayer doesn't guarantee success in business. I'm talking about the abundance of peace and joy that the good Lord guarantees will fill our hearts if we walk with Him.

I encourage anyone who reads my blog to "Do whatever he tells you!" and see what miraculous things start to happen around you!