I'm not planning to write in this blog every day, but I HAVE to share about what happened to me yesterday.
I have been super fired-up because this phenomenal Mary Kay national leader, Gloria Mayfield Banks, was coming to the area to speak with Sean Key, the MK Inc. VP of Sales Force Motivation. Now, I made a list of "10 Things I Haven't Done Yet in My Business", and I'm working to accomplish them this year. One of those things was to have 5 people come to an event with me. Mind you, not to try to sell them anything or recruit them, but just to have 5 butts in 5 seats, period. Well I was so excited to make this THAT event because of the quality of the speakers, that I started emailing, calling, and asking my girlfriends in the area here to come with me. A handful said they would, but when I woke up yesterday, Hell descended upon me. Here's some of what happened:
-The baby I nanny is teething. He decided to have a screaming meltdown yesterday for almost 2 hours. It went from "I'm not happy" to "I'm furious, why aren't you fixing this?!" to "I think I hate you - I'm screaming!" to "Let's see if I can reach a dog-whistle decibel". When he finally fell asleep (after I slathered his little gums with the teething gel it took almost two hours to FIND) I looked down at his puffy little tear-stained eyelids and thought "Yeah, buddy, I feel the same way!" Deep breath...next!
-As this was going on, the girlfriends I thought were coming bowed out of the event for one reason or another. I wanted to be upset, and my interior dialogue went something like this, "Well, if they aren't going to be people of their word and do what they said they wou.... hold on there, self. How many people have YOU let down by not keeping your word? That's right. Don't be mad at them just because a screaming baby fried your nerves and you need to refine your follow-up skills". Deep breath...next!
-Then I got a message from an old girlfriend from college I've been hoping to get together with since she lives in the area and we were both in the same major at school. After weeks of not getting a response from her, she finally replied and said, "I am really not interested in Mary Kay products". I was honestly devastated. I hadn't even ASKED her to have a facial with me (which, by the way, I give as a complimentary service- you're never obligated to purchase anything!). I hate this stereotype of what I like to call "Scary Kay - the Pink Stalker". They're so obnoxious, they can't have a conversation with anybody without mentioning MK and trying to persuade people to buy from them. I have been SO afraid that people might perceive me that way that sometimes I have been a wimp and just not asked for an appointment! When I read her message, after I got over my initial sadness, I thought:
"You know what, no matter how soft, friendly, and sincerely interested in people I'm trying to be, some people will just perceive pushiness anyway. I do not have ultimate control over how they react to me, so why do I let their reaction have any control over whether I offer? A no just means nothing has changed, but a yes could change everything. I won't get the 'yes' if I never offer." - Deep breath...next!
-THEN, my most faithful girlfriend and I got ready, rushed through dinner, and left the house so late I knew we were going to miss the beginning of the event. As she packed her baby into the car, I realized - my car was not where I left it. It had been towed. At that moment, I wanted to sit myself down on the curb and cry myself into a hiccup fit. I didn't care about going to the event anymore. In fact, for a few minutes, I didn't care about Mary Kay anymore. "The world is against me, I am a failure"- all these old tapes tried to play in my mind. BUT! I realized that as upsetting as this was, I was handling it a LOT better than I would have last year. This time about a year ago, I had an incident of misplacing a bag that contained my color cosmetics inventory, worth several hundred dollars. As I drove to a color appointment, frantically trying to figure out where it was - I had an absolute meltdown. I actually DID cry myself into a hiccup fit. Seriously, my girlfriend opened the door, and there I was, in my cute little beauty coat, sobbing. What a lovely experience that was for both of us (not!). [PS - I did find that bag, by the way.] This time, I took a deep breath and said to myself, "If you don't go to the event, this day will have been a complete disaster. You have to go so that SOMETHING from today will carry you to tomorrow. Manage your emotions for now, and you can cry later!", and I decided not to even mention that my car was missing until afterward. We hopped in her car and went.
We took a few wrong turns, but eventually made it there and boy am I glad! When I walked in the door, I instantly felt refreshed. Just being in a room full of positive women is uplifting! Sean Key's words were just for me. At the end of the day, I had a smile on my face in spite of everything, because even though I'm not where I want to be yet, I also know I'm not where I was! Sometimes, victory is simply that we didn't let circumstances shake our confidence so much that we're steered off the course we chose when we DID feel confident. It is a victorious experience to feel beat up, tired, disappointed, whatever - but to not give up, and with a cheerful smile! Deep breath... next!
Parting thought, shared by Sean Key last night: When Michaelangelo was asked how he sculpted the David, he said, "David was always inside that block of marble. It was my job to chisel away that all that was not David".
I think God is using all the crap that happens to me to chisel away at all that He did not intend me to be. I've been encased in a marble block of wimpiness, avoidance, insecurity, hesitation, procrastination, oh and don't forget self-pity! Oh Lord, reveal a brave, confident, do-it-now woman underneath that 'marble block' - and thank You that the chisel is pink.